Where am i? Maybe i am lacking behind as compared to previous semesters although the courses are far more interesting and easier this time.
And then comes the big question. What can make me happy?
-A good C.G.P.A.
-A girlfriend.
-Money
-Friends And Family
-A girlfriend.
-Money
-Friends And Family
"बचपन में सोचा था अपना एक आशियाना होगा,
हँसी से भरा आंगन, अपनों के साथ हरदम मुस्कुराना होगा ,
चिंता न होगी, न गम होगा, मुट्ठी में यह जमाना होगा ।
पर इस मोड़ पे आ खड़े हुए हैं अब कि,
पता चलता है कि, इस सपने देखने वाले का न कोई ठिकाना होगा।"
The recent weekend had been very depressing for me. And even today as i write this , i am very confused. I screwed up 2 of my 6 subjects in the minors. And screwed up bad. One of the subjects gets tougher all the time. Do you know where the problem lies? It is that on a good day, i could have scored some decent marks in them. Now some people may argue that good day is a very vague term. But that is what i would have called it if i hadn't screwed my papers in the first place.I had prepared for them well. i had practiced enough questions, that is something i haven't done too often in my IIT life. And the very thought of myself, doing mistakes when it mattered the most, bugs the hell out me.
I had planned on enjoying this semester and also study well enough to scrape good grades. Now it is all upside down. My condition is pathetic, and i again ask myself this question, What Am I Doing In IIT? What have i gained? Where is my life heading? Maybe to some shit hole cubicle, with some files laying around.
I know i will be fine by tomorrow. I have had these phases before, but didn't have a blog then. But seriously, i AM troubled. Maybe i should go see a doctor. Maybe i should watch a movie. Maybe i should just lay around for a while. Maybe i should sleep less. Maybe i should think less. Maybe i should talk to somebody. Maybe i shouldn't. Maybe i should have a girlfriend. Maybe i am better off single. Maybe i am mad. Maybe not. Relax.
"The thoughts were all i was left with,
as i was a man, with no wealth, no possession.
My words will speak for me someday,
and as will do my actions.
Bless me, O merciful God,
the winter has just arrived."
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